Of course, everyone is for family. It's the very fabric of society. In the best of circumstances, it goes beyond providing for basic needs, it's the well we draw on when we're emotionally thirsty and the water we carry for others when they need it.
The real question is "what is a family?"
For me, it started and continues with a brood of eight siblings ranging in age from pre-Boomers through Gen X. They know my buttons and I know there's. Over the years, we've negotiated many bi-laterial treaties, the borders have shifted and the imbalance of trade sometimes rivals China. But I know that anytime, anywhere they'd go to bat for me, without asking questions.
It's also my relationship with my nearly 90 year-old Mom who's recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, it's about the quality of life--hers and mine. It's not about yesterday's connection but about today's moment. I'm not always 100 percent sure she recognizes me each time, so it's about two people enjoying each other's company. Does that mean we're not family anymore? Now, we leave each other not always as mother and son, but always with the warmth of someone who cares (maybe that's the definition of family, even when biology fades).
Under the category of what I call "relational biology," family is also the person we choose to swap DNA with for life. It took me well into my forties to find that one but it was worth the wait (most of the time). Sometimes we take more out of the well than we put in but eventually the emotional water table balances out. I know that I am very loved and work hard to love back (again, isn't that what that family thing is supposed to be about?).
With my partner came two bouncing baby boys who arrived with full beards and a worship of all things superhero. Fumbling through instant "dadhood" put me right at the line of scrimmage on Team Family. Considering that I'm as comfortable on the gridline as Sarah Palin is with the English dictionary, I manage to score a homerun using my existing playbook. Could it be that this family stuff goes beyond the traditional biology?!
And then there are the people that explode into my nuclear family (interesting adjective, isn't it?). At the top is my work spouse--my friend and confidant for over 20 years. We've seen each other through corporate chaos, the death of loves ones (two and four-legged) and provide relational respite. It was because of him I found the person I would marry (a right he only recently has been able to enjoy himself). He helped out the writer in me. Anywhere, anytime, he'd have my back and I his. Wait a minute, isn't that what my biologic family does?
And then there's the recovering congresswoman or the Nobel prize-winner whose award remains unclaimed. Don't we share the same hopes for members of our larger family?
This family stuff is complicated. Or is it? Maybe we just make it that way with the rules we impose. How can you argue with "a set of people we draw on when we're emotionally thirsty and carry water for when they need it?" What does it cost us to extend the boundaries? How are we diminished by that?
So to the ideologic interviewee, I say "I'm for water." Cause isn't it all part of the same family, right?
